So a few weeks ago I had this terrible day. I don't remember everything that made it terrible, but I do remember it culminating in a meeting with one of my professors to try and figure out what was going on in class. It's a very confusing class and, for whatever reason, this professor and I have a very difficult time communicating. Every conversation I have with him goes a bit like,
"No. Wait. No. What?"
Anyway. I walked out of the meeting feeling really unhappy and I thought, in what seemed like a very rational manner at the time, You know what? I just need to cry. If I cry I will feel better and I will be happy.
I should clarify here that I cry a lot and I'm just going to blame it on chemistry. I just have to cry once a week about anything--commercials, stubbed toes, burned eggs, really bad chick flicks. If I can cry about something small then I don't get emotionally out of whack. So I cry and then I feel better. This is a thing, and it's fine.
Anyway, I was on the fourth floor which is where the English department is located and I know a lot of people in the English department, so I walked really quickly to the bathroom so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone I knew while in the almost-crying state.
Which, by the way, like the almost-throwing-up state, is the worst part of the whole process.
Mercifully, I made it to the bathroom and sat down in the stall and started crying. And after a while I was pretty sure that the person in the stall next to me was also crying. Because we were both just sitting there and all I heard was an occasional sniff.
And I sat there thinking about how nice this was, what good cohesion and unity it had. Because I was crying and they were crying and we got to cry by ourselves but also together, which has to be the perfect way to cry, right? Everyone should get to cry with someone else without having to actually see that person/feel obligated to offer any sort of comfort.
After a few minutes I've cried and I'm good and I'm done. And I get up to go and splash some water on my face and that's when I notice--there is a urinal in the bathroom.
Repeat: There is a urinal in this bathroom.
So I sprint out the door and down the hall and only then do I stop and make sure that no one is behind me, no one saw that. My boss isn't standing at the drinking fountain next to the door. My professor I can't communicate with is not standing there wondering why I'm running.
And then I start laughing.
"It's a sin to kill a mockingbird."
3 weeks ago